Sex Education : The Specialist Answers 3 Questions For Parents Of Children Between 0 And 2 Years Old

Children often come up with unexpected questions. Especially when it comes to sexuality, it is sometimes difficult to determine what to explain or not to explain. For six weeks we can share answers with you. Today: the age group zero to two years.

What do I name my child's genitals?

Belle Barbé: 'There is an important step in sex education that many parents skip: naming the genitals correctly. When a child discovers the body through play, parents often only give the terms of the body parts that are easy: nose, belly, foot, chin. The genitals are then skipped. For boys, naming this is perhaps the easiest: penis. Yet that is not entirely correct, after all, there are also balls at the bottom of that penis! So don't skip it in your wording.'

“For girls, people generally find it a lot more complicated. In 2018, radio DJ Ruud De Wild made another attempt to come up with a 'new' name for the female genitals. Most votes then went to 'poenie', an originally Surinamese-Dutch word. Yet that word is still not common today, it remains difficult for many people to find a word that they feel comfortable with. There are therefore so many words for the female genitals. A selection: box, plum, buttocks, cut, slit, raspberry, vagina, poffertje,  Fortunately, there is already a word in the Dutch language that fits perfectly, is anatomically correct and sounds beautiful as far as I'm concerned: vulva. The vulva is the external part, which includes the vaginal opening. So parts of the vulva are: the venus mound, the tip of the clitoris, the urethra opening, the inner and outer vulval lips (please don't talk about labia again!) and the vaginal opening.'

What does sexuality at a young age mean?

For most people it is not obvious that sexual development starts from birth. You may also find it hard to imagine, because the interpretation of the term 'sexuality' at this young age is very different from that of adults. If you look at sexuality from a broader perspective, you see that at the age of zero to two years it is about discovering one's own body, naming (and discovering) one's own genitals and normalizing sexuality as part of life. Touching and cuddling are also very important at this age because they allow children to experience a sense of security that makes them feel loved and develops self-esteem and self-confidence. From this age you can also consciously work on your child's gender education, for example by breaking stereotypes of 'men and women'.'

What if the shelter deals with sex education differently?

'Are you doing such a good job of naming the genitals correctly, it turns out that they talk about trunks at the shelter... There are shelter locations that have a policy in the field of sexuality, which also states how they name the genitals, but often it is a matter of personal preference of the employees.

Talk to them about this and see if there are words that everyone can agree with. The shelter may also work differently on other aspects of sexual education than you would like. Will children be given the freedom to play doctor? Are there any books in which the princess once frees the prince from the tower? The fact that childcare workers are professionals in the education of children does not necessarily mean that they have a lot of knowledge about sexual development. Information about sexual education and development is still lacking in many study programmes. So bring it up!”